A woman's life

 Growing up like a stranger nowhere to go nothing to do.. stranger in a familiar place.. same faces laughing in all shapes and rounds.. a deep feeling inside keep telling me why not starting again.. failed in a lot of things but keeping my head up high.. small child with huge hopes but everybody saying you can’t.. a little being who happens to be a female in a place sees me like an extra piece comes with the original being which is the man.. you will never be able that’s the only answer I get besides the high thoughts of having me as a married woman with no more responsibilities or fears.. exploring the world that’s what I’ve always dreamed to do.. sitting there alone and dreaming to be a grown up just an equal adult; working studying having fun just for the person of who I am.. but the reality was far away from that.. a male human in the family is able to tear all of my hopes apart.. laughing at my silliness and showing the real him in front of my eyes.. beaten times and times again.. blue scars all over my body and even my heart.. getting laughed at.. starting to forget who I am and focusing on who they want myself to be shaped like.. starting to see the world as a black hollow without any windows to comfort my thoughts.. this is the real world that’s what I couldn’t even get to realize.. I truly don’t know why but I don’t seem to remember how my days went by so fast.. when they first told me about the period for a woman I knew that from that moment on I was no longer a child.. frightened that they will start to look at me as a whole woman and a half human.. every move everything will be counted.. I don’t wanna continue that journey.. why I’m not a man.. I want to change my body I hate who I am.. I’m afraid of my father my brothers even my sisters and mother I’m like them now.. I know what is it like to be like them I just want to wake up now and look at everything as a nightmare.. but nothing happened.. that was the reality that I faced again.. preventing me from that day on from being without any masks.. preventing me from expressing, from talking, even from being who I am.. fearing to lose my reputation in a place sees me as a not worthy living human aka a woman not a man.. went through a lot I don’t know if anybody else saw what I saw.. felt the way I did.. just the mere voice getting me beaten.. I could be alright just like them; do what they see as right.. talk as they want me to talk.. that way I truly could be alright.. for years I did as they asked.. my life was nothing but reading what they saw as right and doing as ordered that was the peace I could attained for that time.. for so long and I’m missing anything related to me to be a human.. I truly acted the way they asked never questioning and forgetting about the past of hopes and high mountains of dreams that I built in my mind.. I wanted many things but cared about them even more than I can..  keeping in mind that someday I could get married and finally get rid of all of the leashes around my hands.. every time I say someday I will be better even if it wasn’t in this life maybe in the afterlife.. my sisters they are here nothing occurred to them.. nobody want them as wives who would marry a woman he doesn’t know in the first place.. talking to a man was from the prohibited list from the beginning to the end of time in their part of land.. but even though all of that I used to try to believe that someday I will be alright.. days went by so fast I’m just like them I can’t even see the unique features of my face properly now.. I’m just a new number with the same story and I think with the same prison period without an end.. but a new person entered my life my days don’t seem as nights now.. I’m starting to shape the previous me and see from the faded pictures in front of my eyes.. I truly can feel the same lost feelings again but would they let me be would they forget about all of the people around and be for the first time besides me just for this time.. I didn’t think so also but I didn’t lose just my reputation this time but I lost the only peace I could get till they decide what to do with the extra face staring and talking in loud..  

Morals without religions.

Many claim that morals can’t be attained without rules and orders from religions but I think that the concept should be the other way around.. in my opinion morals based on fixed rules aren’t truly morals but more of following blindly.. the thoughts of doing good things or being good just because of the longing for a paradise in an afterlife or the fear of some kind of an eternal suffering; isn’t considered having morals in my opinion since the one without those thoughts; won’t actually be good..

And I think the rights and the wrongs in general should be based on the situations themselves not the mindset of the majority or set of rules that may order some strange or unacceptable rules for many.. dealing with the problems and the amount of understanding for them shouldn’t be fixed for all of the situations but should be flexible due to the conditions, times and the situations..

The morals humans should have in my opinion are, the goodness for other human beings based on the title of a human being, based on the willingness to succeed, based on the thought of  every human has the same rights and should have the same treatment..

Human beings have many things in common.. we are all the same.. Your color, mindset, religion, nationality, culture, age, education, etc.. don’t actually matter but your humanity matters a lot..

 Loving all beings and making the best the one can to make this world a good and decent place; without hate or greed.. Actually I don’t think that hate is a true concept in the first place.. it’s just the lack of thinking based on a quick judgment, a temporary feeling  doesn’t last long, because our human nature makes it impossible for us to hate.. hate is just the lack of confidence in admitting the inner care for our fellow humans..

Justice is all what the one should believe in.. we are all humans share the same inner views, living on the same earth, under the same sun, breathing the same air, dreaming the same dreams we are more similar than we think we are, so, justice is the main concept that leads to human progress.

Freedom is the most important pillar in our lives.. freedom of thoughts, expression, religions, beliefs, doing what we like to do.

 And the moment we lose our freedom is the moment of our death! it would be just like breathing without having a life.. we would have empty lives without the freedom of living it..

 Of course we can’t have a life without rights and wrongs.. life is to be lived with everything in it and we can’t actually be living this life without experiencing them both.. and I don’t think there’s a fixed limit or fixed human rules to judge whether something is right or wrong so long as we’re not harming others in any way.. but it depends on our point of views.. but I believe that everything happens in the nature around us naturally could be considered right but some people view the wrongs as rights and some others view some of the rights as wrongs so, I think that doesn’t mean one of them should be true and the other is false but that shows how great the human mind is and how much we can learn from each other..

The human will

is it now the circumstances that I live in..

or the life that I should try to gain..

is it the rainbow that is spreading?!

or the walls that keep falling apart again and again..

is it the raindrop that I held in my eye..

or the wave that went so high to be hard to attain..

if it was the obstacles that I saw from far..

then I'm sure I'll be able to stand again..

but it's beyond what I could bear!!

it's maybe a curse..

or some kind of an illusion.. hard to obtain..

is it the religion..

or the people that are so wise to have a blind faith..

it's not about money..

it's not about a play..

it's about us..

and how we should live in vain..

it's about a daily struggle..

it's about fighting to learn..

it's about killing..

but no! it's about sacrificing to stay..

is it just me..

or the whole world seems to be turning there again..

there won't much to give or take..

won't be lots of rainbows lighting any ways..

won't be singing birds flying all over the place..

but surely there will always be the human will..

to break all of the walls all over again!!"

"Honor" killing

http://youtu.be/KRy_KFSaMTQ

Honor means: honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions…

                         To regard or treat with honor, esteem, or respect; to revere; to treat with deference and submission; when used of the Supreme Being, to reverence; to adore; to worship. To dignify; to raise to distinction or notice; to bestow honor upon; to elevate in rank or station; to ennoble; to exalt; to glorify; hence, to do something to honor; to treat in a complimentary manner or with civility…

 We could go on telling about the definition of honor but taking a look about what some of the well-known men once said about honor:

“To the Master's honor all must turn, each in its track, without a sound, forever tracing Newton's ground.” Albert Einstein

“All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope.” Winston churchill

“Life every man holds dear; but the dear man holds honor far more precious dear than life.” William Shakespeare

“You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.” Aristotle

But unfortunately strangely enough the term honor in some communities started to refer to women bodies!!

Since when and your honor is in your female family members?! Nobody ever described honor to be that way!!

For a culture with the majority of its 'well-heard' population are males we see women treated as inferior since childhood, they don’t have the freedom to be humans as they should be.. they are tied in their female world apart from freedom and life.. some are tied in ignorance and some are tied in waiting to be married to be able to continue living their lives.. the sentence: (you’re not a man!) that hides behind it a lot of other meanings like saying you can’t do this or that! you can never be independent! your life will never go well till you find a man besides you! It reached a point that even women can’t see their future unless it has a man in it.. they themselves feel the inferiority.. they themselves started to believe they are not good enough for anything without a man!

The feeling of being less.. the feeling of being afraid of doing anything which might put them in a position when no man would “accept” marrying them; which means for them and their families the end of their “good” lives or progresses!!

They are even treated without justice and accept it because of being afraid of what other people would say!!

Even the divorce is considered a shame!! The way of their clothing or talking could bring shame to the whole family.. even raising their voices or appearing as independents are considered to bring shame to the family because they are shown to make the female lose her modesty and chastity!!

Their successes are nothing when it has no man in it.. Their whole lives are nothing if it doesn’t contain a name of a man in it!!

 Daily suffer.. daily struggle.. daily killing and daily oppression… that’s the life for the majority of women in some places in the middle east with less opportunities and less lives..

But all of that could be considered nothing compared to the nightmare called “honor killings”!!

Daily news.. daily stories and daily struggle we hear everyday where women are killed just because their father or brother saw them walking or talking with a man or in some other stories just because they took the notebook of their male colleagues in colleges or schools.. or because they refused to wear a hijab!!

Where did the human rights go!! Where did the sacred lives go!! Where did your honor go!!

Honor does Not mean by any dictionary or book or definition “female family member” and it will never be but for that matter it is in the eyes of some men!

The life of the females are becoming worthless.. their lives.. their future their hopes or wishes are nothing in the eyes of males… it’s not a joke of any kind it’s the daily fear the daily struggle for these women!! Their lives could be ended just because they said “Hello” to any male colleague or sometimes just because they started to talk or ask for a change!!!

A woman's thoughts..

“I’m the one who was left behind..

I’m the one who heard the crowds..

The same voices of yelling and the cries..

But why?!

I’m the one who never gained..

I’m the one who never showed her face..

I'm the one who never really dared..

Is it because of the hopes that could someday break the walls?!

Or is it because of the faith that faded when facing the fate?!

Is it the fault of being only who I am?!

But.. I’m the soul wishing to dance..

I’m the baby wishing to crawl..

I’m the seeds praying to be watered in that route..

Blames.. talks.. voices.. all the same..

Walking.. running.. crawling.. but no.. it’s sitting here in vain..

I’m a woman.. that’s all..

Requested to hunger..

Requested to keep silent..

Requested to die..

Requested to never ask why!!!”

The freedoms in the middle east

The middle east.. where we hear a lot about freedom… read a lot about freedom but never have it..

The middle east where women are considered the less creatures with less fortunate..

The middle east where nobody could choose their religions or beliefs..

 Holding anger, intolerance and walking in this world.. It’s becoming some kind of a jungle without any borders… Just the mere voice or asking for a change could be considered abnormal and should be silent immediately..

 Judging without hearing.. killing without understanding.. lots of hunger.. lots of sufferings and injustice… everybody blames.. everybody talk but nobody read or hear.. the religion is making everything messed up.. many sectors and many differentiations.. so many hating, blaming and killing in return..

“We want a change!” We hear this line a lot but what kind of change you want?! I don’t want anything to be the same.. we got tired of blames and talks.. got tired of dreaming without gaining.. we want to be just like anybody else in this world.. to choose our paths freely.. speak our minds.. we want an end for the oppression.. no more plays and jokes.. women, men, young, old we are all the same.. same people same humans.. we want equality and freedom.. freedom to choose our religions.. freedom to speak our minds.. freedom to criticize when we see anything wrong.. freedom to be who we are and just who we are..

The people whom their feelings have been “hurt” because of other people’s criticism and voices; ask for them to be executed!  why don’t you execute yourself for being sexist?! Why don’t you execute yourself for leaving all the children in the world hunger and living in huge houses with numerous maids?! Why don’t you execute yourself for making those same people struggle from living in vain?! Why don’t you execute yourself for taking women as objects and treat them as insects?! Why don’t you execute yourself for remaining silent about all of the injustice and oppression you see every single day?!  

Everybody is good in blaming.. but when it comes to taking actions.. everybody stand quietly!! we don’t need any false promises.. we don’t need any more anger or oppression.. we want just freedom freedom of our minds to be who we are!

The story of the religions as I see it..

First of all I want to give a brief introduction about a great civilization that settled between 4500 and 4000 BC.. They were the Sumerians in the Mesopotamian area.. The great culture and knowledge they had makes the things they invented to appear as miracles to any person living in the 21^st century..  Before nearly 6000 years ago those people were able to invent some great inventions and have great knowledge.. The Sumerians were the first humans to: develop the written words, measure time by calendar, develop sophisticated music, create complex mathematical equations & systems and create tools.

They were the philosophers of military craft and agriculture and the creators of the first electric batteries.

And they built their civilization itself with state capitals with law & organized government and they also organized spiritual institutions..

And just like all other civilizations they created their own gods even though they didn’t have an organized set of gods but each city-state had its own patrons, temples, and priest-kings. The Sumerians were probably the first to write down their beliefs, which were the inspiration for much of later Mesopotamian mythology, religion, and astrology. some of the gods they worshiped: -Anu as the full time god, equivalent to "heaven” -Enlil, lord of the ghost-land, in the north at the temple of Nippor. - The sun-god Utu at Sippar. - The moon god Nanna at Ur.

And now; the connection between that great civilization and the religions that came afterwards is to give a proof on how the people before thousands of years used to have great knowledge and used to have sophisticated lives.

 I think till today it’s all the same; the people have new faces, new names, different places but the humans are still humans with all of the human flaws, inventions, dreams, thinking, hopes and trying to succeed all the time.. As we all know how the history of the man and the history in general keeps repeating itself as sometimes I don’t call it past history but; previous knowledge..  

Almost all of the well known religions appeared while the people were in need for such thoughts about god and while they used to be stuck in vain of the superstitions and ignorance, then suddenly a person appear claiming to be able to hear voices with creator’s words..

  why would a god send a book for the people; why not showing them the truth himself?! why would a god send a book in just one language; a god wouldn’t prefer a human language over the other for any reason?! why would a god send prophets to a particular place of the world that was inhabited by more than one sophisticated civilization over the years?! why would a god who previously knew what we’ll do and act but still send books and prophets?! and many more questions that made me actually think about religions..

The conclusion that I came to think about was: humans are all the same but some of us know more so act better that’s exactly how I see the prophets, human gods, priests and kings of the ancient times.. watching a group of ignorant people trapped in vain, don’t know how to read or write, isolated from progress, know little about life and all what they think about is how to live and eat then suddenly a wise, educated man appears and tells them that a god exists and provide well written texts and claiming them to be from god.. what do you think would happen?!

The prophets and the miracles we hear about are but myths and legends recited over and over again that people started to believe in them.. how do we know they truly occurred in the first place but from a book written thousands of years ago.. if the so called miracles truly occurred  why they are not occurring nowadays why would a god stop proving his existence all of a sudden?!

Even the scientific miracles in some of the books are but written passages some from previous written texts and some from the things known in that particular time.. the civilizations before 1000 or 3000 years were not that ignorant... like the Sumerian civilization and whenever there was a civilization they created gods in their minds and sat a group of rules to be followed to make it easier for themselves and the simple-minded majority of the people and of course since not everyone was that intelligent and due to the segregation they used to have the people used to believe them.. the Abrahamic religions aren’t that different and each one of them used to have supporters and enemies but since they appeared in one particular place of the world and the main concept of them lays on the unseen god it wasn’t easy to prove them wrong since they created a god in their imagination but made it unseen to the public and every unseen thing can have big number of believers creating that god and shaping him the shape they preferred.. the prophets or the people claimed to be prophets were from the thinking minorities of that time.. knew the mindsets of the people of their times and knew how to fool them whether with being peaceful and asking for love all the way or with the sword as means of spreading the rules they believed to be the truth… and just as anything new till today there were supporters and enemies for that…

I think of religions as set of rules and gods as the fearful beings to make the people follow those rules and to make slaves from humans..

What a better way to make the people follow certain rules than making them have a strong belief in an unseen, all powerful being and fooling them with an eternal happiness and peace?!

The freedom of speech..

Until when we're deciding to hide beyond the bars..

Until when we're deciding to make it all sound alright...

Until when we're deciding to look from the back of the limited rights..

is it that difficult to ask to be a human being..

is it that hard just to be..

living without actually having a life..

breathing with counted oxygen particles..

sleeping without choosing to..

it's always the same..

no rights.. no life..

with huge chains preventing us from saying a word..

with a giant recorder recording each and every word..

with a large leash all over our necks..

is it much to ask..

to be a human with a well?

is it strange to long for a voice?

is it that hard to give me even the title of a human..

I got tired of having to be silent..

I got tired of hiding and feeling the fear of expressing what I want..

I got tired of waiting and waiting without earning a drop of faith to see the change....

everybody say.. don't say a word

but what about me..

I wanna break every barrier in my and your way..

I wanna see those kids dancing in the rain without having to be chased..

just give me the right to discover and say..

give me the freedom to find and share..

I won't say much but I want to hear me in a loud voice..

I truly miss my voice..

I don't even know if it would be heard..

but don't kill the well in me..

don't fight the mere rights that I should gain..

let me be who I wanna be..

and let them do it the hard way..

it's me in the end who decides what to give or take...