A woman's life

 Growing up like a stranger nowhere to go nothing to do.. stranger in a familiar place.. same faces laughing in all shapes and rounds.. a deep feeling inside keep telling me why not starting again.. failed in a lot of things but keeping my head up high.. small child with huge hopes but everybody saying you can’t.. a little being who happens to be a female in a place sees me like an extra piece comes with the original being which is the man.. you will never be able that’s the only answer I get besides the high thoughts of having me as a married woman with no more responsibilities or fears.. exploring the world that’s what I’ve always dreamed to do.. sitting there alone and dreaming to be a grown up just an equal adult; working studying having fun just for the person of who I am.. but the reality was far away from that.. a male human in the family is able to tear all of my hopes apart.. laughing at my silliness and showing the real him in front of my eyes.. beaten times and times again.. blue scars all over my body and even my heart.. getting laughed at.. starting to forget who I am and focusing on who they want myself to be shaped like.. starting to see the world as a black hollow without any windows to comfort my thoughts.. this is the real world that’s what I couldn’t even get to realize.. I truly don’t know why but I don’t seem to remember how my days went by so fast.. when they first told me about the period for a woman I knew that from that moment on I was no longer a child.. frightened that they will start to look at me as a whole woman and a half human.. every move everything will be counted.. I don’t wanna continue that journey.. why I’m not a man.. I want to change my body I hate who I am.. I’m afraid of my father my brothers even my sisters and mother I’m like them now.. I know what is it like to be like them I just want to wake up now and look at everything as a nightmare.. but nothing happened.. that was the reality that I faced again.. preventing me from that day on from being without any masks.. preventing me from expressing, from talking, even from being who I am.. fearing to lose my reputation in a place sees me as a not worthy living human aka a woman not a man.. went through a lot I don’t know if anybody else saw what I saw.. felt the way I did.. just the mere voice getting me beaten.. I could be alright just like them; do what they see as right.. talk as they want me to talk.. that way I truly could be alright.. for years I did as they asked.. my life was nothing but reading what they saw as right and doing as ordered that was the peace I could attained for that time.. for so long and I’m missing anything related to me to be a human.. I truly acted the way they asked never questioning and forgetting about the past of hopes and high mountains of dreams that I built in my mind.. I wanted many things but cared about them even more than I can..  keeping in mind that someday I could get married and finally get rid of all of the leashes around my hands.. every time I say someday I will be better even if it wasn’t in this life maybe in the afterlife.. my sisters they are here nothing occurred to them.. nobody want them as wives who would marry a woman he doesn’t know in the first place.. talking to a man was from the prohibited list from the beginning to the end of time in their part of land.. but even though all of that I used to try to believe that someday I will be alright.. days went by so fast I’m just like them I can’t even see the unique features of my face properly now.. I’m just a new number with the same story and I think with the same prison period without an end.. but a new person entered my life my days don’t seem as nights now.. I’m starting to shape the previous me and see from the faded pictures in front of my eyes.. I truly can feel the same lost feelings again but would they let me be would they forget about all of the people around and be for the first time besides me just for this time.. I didn’t think so also but I didn’t lose just my reputation this time but I lost the only peace I could get till they decide what to do with the extra face staring and talking in loud..